I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
