she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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