If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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