I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize