she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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