Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
