I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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