R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize