She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
