miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
