Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
