I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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