Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize