Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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