I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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