Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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