no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
