oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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