you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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