Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
