can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
