he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
