i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
