Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize