i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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