Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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