I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
