i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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