Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
