oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
