But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You took a bar mat shot.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
