Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
