I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
