i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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