I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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