this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
