So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize