Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize