My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
