Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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