I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
