my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize