like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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