i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
