Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
