god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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