so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I need to stop coming to work sober
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
