uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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