everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
