So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
