i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
