the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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