just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
