i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
How does it feel to date your dad?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
