its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
