Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
