i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize