That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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