im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Mom said you looked used
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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