I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
