my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
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