Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize